Louise Belcher the Smart Mark
by EverlastingEvanescence
Summary: Louise Belcher decides to discuss things that are happening or have happened in the world of wrestling. Topics range from superstars and divas, to gimmicks, to PPV's. Other characters will make cameos. Just PM or comment to give your ideas to Louise.
1. Chapter 1

Louise Belcher the Smart Mark

"Hello, my name is Louise Belcher," Louise said as she turned to the camera. "You may know me from my starring role in the up and coming classic, Bob's Burgers," Louise continued as she pushed her wheeled chair **(I don't know what else to call those chairs with the three or four wheels at the center)** towards her shelf.

"What you may not know is that I'm a lifelong fan of wrestling. Well, not until two years into my life, but that's a huge percentage and besides the point," Louise said as she showed off some wrestling memorabilia, such as a Sting T-shirt, a Rey Mysterio mask, and some Undertaker and Eddie Guerrero DVD's. "You see, when I was 2, I saw my Dad watching an old video of WCW. I was really into it, and we eventually started watching wrestling of all kinds together, such as TNA, WCW, ECW, and of course, WWE. There have been many good memories, but some of them, well, are kind of shit," Louise explained.

"There have also been some booking decisions that have made these companies look like shit, and here on my new show, I'm going to run them down one by one. I'll also have discussions about superstars, divas, gimmicks, storylines, and more," Louise said as she tries to get everyone hyped about her show. "So, if you have anything you want me to discuss, feel free to leave an idea in the comments section. Oh yeah, and my family and friends will also make guest cameos on my show. Until then, see you next time," Louise said as the camera backed away and the screen turned off.


	2. WWE ECW

Louise Belcher the Smart Mark Chapter 2: ECW

"ECW, Extreme Championship Wrestling. Where wrestling fans in the 1990's were able to see the violent content such as flaming tables, barbed wire, and ladders on a regular basis," Louise began with a voice full of nostalgia. "However, all of that changed when ECW went bankrupt in 2001 and Vince bought the rights and the wrestlers of ECW, along with WCW. Many of the ECW superstars didn't make much of an impact, except for the Dudleyz and RVD," Louise continued.

"Then came ECW One Night Stand in 2005. This was where ECW fans were given a blast from the past with guys like Mike Awesome, the Sandman, Tommy Dreamer, and even fucking Joey Styles! All the matches were held in the old Hammerstein Ballroom. It was awesome, so WWE decided to do it again next year, but it wasn't as good, especially with guys like Randy Orton, John Cena, and Edge competing, who had never set foot in an ECW ring. But, it was awesome seeing RVD beat John Cena for the WWE title," Louise explained with her voice getting a little sour.

"After that, it all went to the crapper," Louise said as her face was one of pure annoyance. "ECW was cool for like the first couple of minutes, with the new set and everything, but then…A FUCKING FAKE ZOMBIE COMES OUT FOR NO GODDAMN REASON! I MEAN WERE THEY TRYING TO MAKE FUN OF SYFY, THE CHANNEL THAT HAD ECW AT THE TIME, I MEAN JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" Louise shouted angrily shouting before breathing a couple of times and looking like she was calmed down.

"Then, after RVD's arrest for drug possession, WWE forced him to drop the belt to Big Show. Nothing of interest in ECW really happened until the only ECW exclusive PPV, December to Dismember, which sucked ass," Louise explained. "There were only two scheduled matches on the card, and the rest was just filler, and not even good filler. The first filler was Matt Striker vs. ECW original Balls Mahoney. The match was shit, mainly because of the "Striker's Rules", which prevented moves from the top rope, and the match even made Balls Mahoney just want to quit," Louise explained.

"Then, there was the whole thing with Sabu being "injured" backstage. I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL WAS VINCE THINKING? HIGH FLYING HAS ALWAYS BEEN AWESOME IN THE CHAMBER, SO WHAT THE HELL WAS THE THOUGHT PROCESS OF REPLACING SABU WITH GODDAMN HARDCORE HOLLY, A MAN WHO NEVER WAS IN EC FUCKING W?" Louise screamed as she tried to compose herself. "Then, there was that boring tag team match with Elijah Burke, Sylvester Terkay, and the FBI, and a stupid match where Tommy Dreamer not only lost to Daivari, but was attacked by Great Khali. Yeah, that's how you build up THE "Heart and Soul of ECW", by having him lose to a jobber, and then getting attacked by a guy who can't even wrestle," Louise added sarcastically.

"Then…came…the Extreme Rules Elimination Chamber match. The match was…eh. The one person people wanted to win, CM Punk, was taken out first, and then Bobby Lashley won the freaking match. Bobby Lashley wasn't a bad wrestler and was kind of over with the fans, but the match was so dumb and boring that nobody even gave a crap at that point," Louise said. "The only match that was worth watching was the Hardyz vs. MNM, which was a great match, but not enough to save this bomb of a PPV," Louise said before rubbing her temples, as if expecting a headache.

"AND THEN VINCE HAD THE AUDACITY OF BLAMING PAUL HEYMAN FOR THE WAY THE PPV WENT, EVEN THOUGH ALL THE CRAPPY STUFF WAS HIS IDEA. PAUL QUIT THE WWE AFTER THE PPV, AND TOMMY DREAMER AND STEVEN RICHARDS TRIED TO LEAVE THE COMPANY TOO," Louise yelled. After she calmed down, she looked like she was going to speak again. "Then, ECW began to pretty much become like Smackdown and Raw. They only had one title, the unique set up was gone, and by that point, so were Joey Styles and Taz,".

"But, there was some good that came out of this. The new superstar initiative gave us the sight of some great superstars like Evan Bourne, Yoshi Tatsu, Mike Knox, Jack Swagger, Vance Archer, and the Dudebusters (Trent Barretta and Caylen Croft). They weren't all that successful, but they were really fun to watch in the ring," Louise said with a small smile on her face. "We also got to see the return of Christian, and him winning…something of a world title in the ECW championship. There was also the John Morrison and The Miz tag team, which was really entertaining. So yeah, a few good memories," Louise said as she got ready to wrap it up.

"All in all, WWE pretty much fucked ECW in the ass and made fans of the old ECW look like idiots in the process, a funny tag team, new superstars, and the return of Christian wasn't enough for this crappy brand," Louise finished as she was about to turn off her camera when someone same in her room.

"Louise, what's with all the screaming?" Louise's father, Bob, asked as he came in to her room. "Oh, that's just my new show, where I rant about stuff in the wrestling world," Louise said as she motioned her father to come sit next to her. "Oh, that's cool! You know who you should talk about next? The Icon, Sting!" Bob said, excited to take part in this show. Louise thought about it, and got a huge smile on her face. "You know Dad, that's not a bad idea". Louise then turned to the audience. "Next time, we will discuss the way Sting was treated in the WWE," Louise closed as she and Bob waved to the camera until it faded to black.


	3. Sting's Mistreatment in the WWE

Louise Belcher the Smart Mark Chapter 3: WWE Treatment of Sting

"Hello, all my loyal fans, me and my dad are here to talk about Sting," Louise said after she turned on the camera. "You see, Sting was the face of WCW, and the main line of defense against the NWO," Bob explained. "Aside from a few missteps towards the company's demise, Sting was booked relatively well, and was a multiple time WCW World Heavyweight Champion, US Champion, and tag team champion," Bob finished.

"After WCW went under, Sting dodged WWE due to the way they had treated past WCW talent, such as DDP. As a result, he went to TNA and amassed a pretty good career over there, his main career highlight being he leader of the Main Event Mafia. However, in 2014, it was revealed that Sting had signed with the WWE, and everyone was so excited. Me and my Dad here were personally ecstatic to hear that the face of WCW was now gong to be in the WWE," Louise said, but then sighed. "But, little did we know that he would suffer the same fate as DDP, by having a pathetic career in the WWE," Louise explained.

"Sting's first WWE appearance was at the 2014 Survivor Series PPV, more specifically during the main event of the evening; a traditional Survivor Series match between Team Cena (John Cena, The Big Show, Ryback, Dolph Ziggler, and Erick Rowan) vs. Team Authority (Seth Rollins, Luke Harper, Rusev, Kane, Mark Henry)," Louise's dad explained. "It was down to Seth Rollins and Dolph Ziggler, and Triple H stuck his massive nose in the match when he hit the Pedigree on Ziggler. Just as the pinfall was going to be given to the Authority, the lights went out, a crow sound echoed throughout the arena, and Sting showed up, with his signature baseball, face paint, everything!" Louise explained in an excited manner. "Then he went in and hit the Scorpion Death Drop on Triple H and helped Ziggler win the match against the Authority and put them out of power," Louise said with nostalgia in her voice.

"Then, we didn't see Sting for months, and in that time, the Authority got their jobs back and they fired Cena's team, with the exception of Big Show, who helped the Authority during the Survivor Series match. We never saw Sting until sting helped Rowan, Ziggler, and Ryback get their jobs back after being fired by helping Cena win a 3 on 1 handicap match on Raw," Bob explained. "After that, Triple H challenged Sting to a face to face confrontation at Fastlane, and it was…kind of boring" Louise said as she prepared herself to explain everything that was wrong with the confrontation.

"First, the music they gave to Sting was awful. I have no idea why they just didn't use his music from WCW, I mean, they have the rights to everything ever owned by WCW, right?" Bob asked Louise, who responded with a shrug. "The whole segment consisted of Triple H essentially mocking Sting and WCW, and Sting just staring at Triple H. When the fight happened, it was really underwhelming, and Triple H looked like an idiot with Sting putting the baseball bat under his chin like he was going to shoot him or something. So, the match was announced for Wrestlemania, so, how was the build up for this match? Uninteresting".

"It was pretty much just Triple H promos and Sting coming to the aid of Randy Orton and helping him fight off the Authority. It was pretty much like every other feud going on at the time," Bob explained. "Then came the match itself, which sucked ass. First off, Triple H's entrance was stupid, and made me laugh when I saw it. The first 10 minutes were a wrestling match, and then it just became a clusterfuck. DX and the NOW came into the match, and the NOW sided with Sting, for some reason. Hawn Michaels also came into the match and helped Triple H. After all that hype Sting…lost," Louise said with anger in her voice and on her face.

"Oh, Louise, I've got to open up the restaurant, let me know how it goes," Bob said as he ran out of the room. "OK. So yeah, Sting lost to Triple H after a shot in the face with a sledgehammer. WHAT THE FUCK! HOW DO YOU FUCK UP AND ENDING AND A MATCH THAT BADLY? Sting also looked like shit after the match, and for some reason, he and Triple H shook hands after that. T was weird and defeated the whole purpose of them fighting in the first place," Louise said.

"So, after beating up Bo Dallas on the Raw after Wrestlemania, he was never seen or even mentioned on TV. Which was bullshit," Louise said before trying to collect herself. "So, he was never seen until after Summerslam, where Seth Rollins was being given a statue for becoming the WWE and US champion at the same time. He replaced the statue, and beat up Seth Rollins, signaling that he wanted a shot at the WWE World Heavyweight Championship," Louise explained.

"The feud was actually very good. It was Sting's typical mind games, and we even got to see Sting fight Big Show and Seth Rollins, and he wins both matches, by DQ and Submission respectively. Seth also played his coward role very well. The match at Night of Champions was alright, but it made Sting look weak. Seth had already lost his US title to John Cena in a match that was better than the one with Sting. You know the worst part? STING…GOT…INJURED!" Louise said in an angry voice.

"I know Seth didn't injure Sting on purpose, BUT COME ON! THIS WAS ONLY STING'S 3RD OR 4TH MATCH, AND HE GETS PRETTY MUCH THE SAME SPINAL INJURY EDGE GOT!" Louise screamed before calming down. "Sting did get inducted into the Hall of Fame, so I guess that was a plus," Louise said.

"So, how was Sting's run in the WWE? Underwhelming. He was hyped like a motherfucker, and what did he do? He lost to Triple H, lost to Seth Rollins, got a career ending injury after a botched turnbuckle Powerbomb, and a bunch of other bullshit that made his career in the WWE more like a wet fart of the career of Sting. Hell in TNA, he was the leader of the Main Event Mafia, and defeated guys like Kurt Angle and Mick Foley," Louise said as she finished her final thoughts.

"Next time, we'll be talking about either the Katie Vick angle or the WWE's NOW".


	4. Katie Vick

Louise Belcher the Smart Mark (Chapter 4: Katie Vick)

"You know, WWE has done a lot of stupid things over the years. Such as giving a World title push to the Great Khali, exploiting Eddie Guerrero's death, turning Road Warrior Hawk's real life problems into storylines, and so on. Those will all get their own review at some point, but we're going to discuss something worse than any of those. And that is the Katie Vick storyline," Louise told us as she got a serious look on her face.

"The Katie Vick storyline came at the beginning of Triple H's run as World Heavyweight Champion from 2002-2005. That of course is known to fans as the 'Reign of Terror'. So, this was a feud between Triple H and Kane. After Triple H defeated RVD to retain the World title, he immediately started a feud with Intercontinental champion, Kane. That alone was big. Having two champions fighting for both title was amazing on it's own, but it went to shit pretty quickly," Louise said ad she took a deep breath, preparing for what she was going to talk about.

"Triple H, during a promo, called Kane a 'murderer' for the death of someone named 'Katie Vick'," Louise explained, while rubbing her temples, as if she had a headache. "Apparently, Kane met this woman at wrestling school, and killed her in a drunk driving accident. OK, bullshit. Paul Bearer said nothing about Kane going to school, having a car, or having friends. His story was that Kane was basically a loner due to both physical and psychological scars. So, this whole feud is already a giant fucking plothole," Louise complained while rubbing her temples harder.

"Then, we got, one of the worst things I've ever seen on not only WWE, but any wrestling broadcast. During an interview with Jonathan Coachman, Triple H said he had evidence of Kane being a 'sick freak'. So, he shows a video, with him in a Kane mask. He goes into a funeral home, and sees what looks like Katie Vick's body," Louise said as she paused for a second. "I'm sorry, this is just… really hard to talk about without feeling sick to your stomach," Louise said as she looked like she was straining herself to continue.

"So, Triple H proceeds to take all his clothes off, and get inside the casket. He then pretends to have SEX with the CORPSE. Let me repeat that for those with a functioning brain; HE FAKED HAVING SEX WITH A FAKE CORPSE JUST TO GET BACK AT THIS GUY GOING AFTER HIS TITLE! After the 'sex', Triple H then gets a fake brain in his hand, and says that he 'screwed her brains out'. You know, the first time I watched this, I threw up in the trash can. I mean, this was just revolting on so many levels. After the video, Triple H just laughs like he was watching Impractical Jokers and calls Kane a 'sick freak' again before leaving. That is the future owner of the WWE right there, people!" Louise said, while trying to stop yelling.

"After this lovely little promo, the Hurricane decided to avenge Kane by making a fake video of Triple H getting an enema. A FUCKING ENEMA!" Louise screamed before regaining her composure. "This storyline was hated by so many fans, that WWE quickly scrapped it, and just went along with the Title vs. Title match without the Katie Vick stuff, which Triple H won," Louise said.

"You know, we're just about done here. This was a hard one to review. Not only is it one of the most offensive and revolting storylines ever conceived, this story really killed the mystique of Kane's character. Giving him this new background was stupid, and it was really unnecessary. I'm just glad that this storyline was never heard from again,"Louise said as she breathed a sigh of relief. "With that being said, I will be tackling another hard one next time; the exploitation of the death of Eddie Guerrero," Louise said as her camera faded to black.


End file.
